you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
