OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
