tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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