whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
