im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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