lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize
