am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
