It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
