pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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