I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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