i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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