I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
