shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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