no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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