I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize