hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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