hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
