I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
