i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
