I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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