...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
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