sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
