The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
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