You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
