Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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