she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Two words: blizzard sex
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
