Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
