Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She told me I should be a condom model.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Randomize
