i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
worst night to have a conscience
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I don't deserve a penis
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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