Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
