no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
