just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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