I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
