a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
