the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
