I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
