I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
