Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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