Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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