thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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