I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
