I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
