Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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