Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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