there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize