Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
