Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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