My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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