the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize