Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
