Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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