he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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