Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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