this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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