Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
