Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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