wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
