Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
