listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I still have a little drunk in my system
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
