it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
