hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize