yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
