dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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