my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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