On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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