Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
