So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
These tits shall not be calmed
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
