So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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