Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
FUCK WHALES
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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