i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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