Do you still have your period?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
