have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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