I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
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