Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize