i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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